Dear God Its only Feb

Colourful depiction of a funeral process with wailing women, Noble's Tomb, Luxor.

Oh God.

Have been a busy, busy little bee.

Too much to do sometimes I can't breathe.

Things seem to be developing on all fronts. And everyday is a bloody learning experience. Learn learn learn learn learn.

I reached bursting point last week. Then I let out some air, and embracing the adrenaline. Of having to work now almost all the time - office, studying, Arabic - all which i have serious deadlines for. I am 'stoked' though, and feel very much alive.

Am turning 35 in 2 months, so its a race against time.

Official Middle Aged-ness.

In the meantime, while I am preoccupied with my personal developement, thousands of refugees are pouring out of Iraq into neighbouring Jordan and Syria, and Jordan has the dubious distinction of hosting the world's largest refugee population currently.

Signs of climate change abound.

Statistics for HIV infections in Malaysia soaring, markedly in the female population.

Crystal meths now the drug of choice in the streets, overtaking heroin, in potency and life expectancy.

My colleague told me of a woman a few days ago who was raped and beaten so badly she crawled under the table and refused to budge. She attempted suicide with liquid soap, twice.

Someone else had to turn away a man with no money no home because we were not mandated to help him.

So much to do. And yet so much energy on personal things, personal time, personal fun, personal achievement, personal success.

Eversince I've become part of management, I feel so divorced from reality because I dont meet so many Clients anymore, and it feels like am doing many things mainly for myself. Self glory, self adulation, self indulgence. self self self. and more self.

I have to try and justify my existence, hopefully before 25 April. that am here for more than just myself. 35 years and still self absorbed, bloody hell.