Person Most Unclear
I have now given myself the title of Person Most Unclear on the Concept of a Break-up.
It's just sad when someone who was once all you thought about is someone you should no longer think about.
You were once soul mates but now must act as strangers. Preferably as though you never met. What made your heart race wildly 1000 times a minute must now be a steady, unchanging beat. The whole experience becomes a 'lesson' and 'reminder' for the future. Or should be something completely positive, life-changing and affirming to others in similar plight, instead of writing them off as days spent sobbing over the toilet sink at the office.
How does reality become so altered? I used to think i could not live without my ex, who occupied almost every brain cell in my head from aged 21-27, now i can't be asked to meet him for a casual lunch. I never think about him and when i do, it never lasts for more than 5 minutes.
It's chilling. How you can be so important to someone and then be reduced to nothing but fleeting moments you would rather forget. Because if you remembered it too vividly you would begin to want it, then you would want it too much. But you can't have it. So you block it until it becomes inconsequential.
So really the point is that you meet someone, experience the most amazing headrush then it all results in nothing. If you're lucky.
All for self-preservation. For the greater good. Blah blah blah. Choice, consequence, freedom, for the best.
Sucks.
X? Yes i used to know him. 'In happier times'. Now? I don't really know and i'm not supposed to care. And if i did, it would have to be at arms length and a safe distance so the wounds don't re-open. Because if we fooled ourselves to think we could be platonic friends then our hearts will bleed forever and we'll die lonely at 65 because we would subconsiously shut out all the waiting, eager hordes of OTHERS waiting for a slice of our love....
Then of course, there are my clients, who add a whole new dimension to 'the past'. Today i met a woman with 6 children who'd been beaten by her husband. He left cigarette burns on her arms then took off with all her money. She never wants to see him again. She says she never wants to marry again. She wishes he was dead. She wishes she had never met him.
It's beyond inconsequence, its the desire to have never met or known or shared the same oxygen, water and sunshine with a particular individual. Let alone bodily fluids, a bank account, furniture and progeny.
Life goes on.
It's just sad when someone who was once all you thought about is someone you should no longer think about.
You were once soul mates but now must act as strangers. Preferably as though you never met. What made your heart race wildly 1000 times a minute must now be a steady, unchanging beat. The whole experience becomes a 'lesson' and 'reminder' for the future. Or should be something completely positive, life-changing and affirming to others in similar plight, instead of writing them off as days spent sobbing over the toilet sink at the office.
How does reality become so altered? I used to think i could not live without my ex, who occupied almost every brain cell in my head from aged 21-27, now i can't be asked to meet him for a casual lunch. I never think about him and when i do, it never lasts for more than 5 minutes.
It's chilling. How you can be so important to someone and then be reduced to nothing but fleeting moments you would rather forget. Because if you remembered it too vividly you would begin to want it, then you would want it too much. But you can't have it. So you block it until it becomes inconsequential.
So really the point is that you meet someone, experience the most amazing headrush then it all results in nothing. If you're lucky.
All for self-preservation. For the greater good. Blah blah blah. Choice, consequence, freedom, for the best.
Sucks.
X? Yes i used to know him. 'In happier times'. Now? I don't really know and i'm not supposed to care. And if i did, it would have to be at arms length and a safe distance so the wounds don't re-open. Because if we fooled ourselves to think we could be platonic friends then our hearts will bleed forever and we'll die lonely at 65 because we would subconsiously shut out all the waiting, eager hordes of OTHERS waiting for a slice of our love....
Then of course, there are my clients, who add a whole new dimension to 'the past'. Today i met a woman with 6 children who'd been beaten by her husband. He left cigarette burns on her arms then took off with all her money. She never wants to see him again. She says she never wants to marry again. She wishes he was dead. She wishes she had never met him.
It's beyond inconsequence, its the desire to have never met or known or shared the same oxygen, water and sunshine with a particular individual. Let alone bodily fluids, a bank account, furniture and progeny.
Life goes on.
posted by Halva at
2:14 AM
4 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sucks innit?
as painful as it may seem now, it'll pass.
you know, you're a gorgeous, wonderful babe. i know you will find your true soul-mate one day that'll give you true joy and contentment. (*hugs* and cheers to that!)
Now's probably the time for you to say, "Next!" :-D
Uhm, on a more serious note, exes will somehow have a place in your heart. Like that frozen piece of meat stuck to the back of your freezer. The day you defrost your freezer is when you have to throw the meat out. Which is probably why most of us don't clean our freezers anyway. ;-)
radnexus - your comment is sheer kindness. Thank you. Its nice to know someone out there is rooting for me.
The J - hahahaha that was funny. Meat stuck in back of the freezer. I like it.
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